Miss Easter, The Tea Chick

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that 'Miss Easter', the big white chicken that was dropped off on Easter Sunday a few years ago, has passed away. As far as we know there was no 'fowl play'. She was lying peacefully beside the holly tree with not a feather out of place. She loved it there. I guess she felt safe there from the marauding hawk who terrorizes my girls. It would have served him right if he had clamped onto her big bustle. She must have weighed 15 lbs. He would have dislocated his beak! I can see it now, eyes bulging, talons barely able to get a grip on her regal neck. Thank God she was spared that frightening experience.

She was quite a character. She loved strolling up to the window in the fairy room and
peering in at the customers, like she expected to see someone she knew. 'Oh
yes, there's Monna! Hello dear! Helllllo!!! Out here, under the bush!' Not
every chicken can steal your heart like she did. It's a fact. Most chickens
are rather cool customers. They act like they're your friend while you have
scones in your pockets, but as soon as the last crumb drops they're after a
June bug or running off after a beetle in the grass. Miss Easter just plain
loved people. In the morning, as soon as Phoebe and I opened the door she
would come through like she just KNEW it would be a great day.

What a girl! She was a Christian chicken. I never saw her gossiping with the other girls or swinging her bustle at Mr. Ruppert, the rooster. She didn't lust after
anyone elses bugs or steal scones from them either. For her size she was
quite graceful to. She will be missed, indeed. You may send contributions,
in lieu of flowers, to the 'Aged Tea Chickens Benevolent Society' at this
address. Please be generous, there are a lot of old hens out there in need
of teeth. Your donations will be put to good use. A memorial service will be
held later, date to be announced.

Somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere in times own space
There must be some sweet grassy place,
where June bugs crawl and crickets sing
and hens and roosters live again. PKR

Dr. Tuttle and the fat girl's knees

Last Wednesday I needed a day away from the farm. What to do! I decided to
take my husband and brother along and take our driving harnesses over to our
Amish harness makers shop to be cleaned and oiled. I love the trip and Sam
Esh, the owner, immensely. He's a giant of a man. Very unusual for an
Amishman. They are usually quite short. After lugging all the harness from
the trunk and onto his porch we went inside to enjoy the smell of leather
and see what fun things he was working on. He is always in the midst of
creating wonderful sets of harness for all kinds of horses. This time he had the
smallest horse collar I have ever seen. It was only about 10" high. It would
fit a miniature horse he said. So cute!

I love looking at all the bottles of harness oil, wormers, saddle cleaners
etc. I pick them up and smell the containers. They are so pungent and
mysterious smelling. I came across a bottle of 'Dr. Tuttle's Elixer'.
Hmmmmm! It said it relaxes tired muscles. I have those! It relieves the pain
of cramping muscles! I have THOSE TO! It reduces SWELLING!!! I have THAT!!!
It's $4.95! I have that TOOOO! Great! I couldn't wait to get home and elix
myself. I asked Sam if it worked on people, and he looked at me like I had
started to strip or something. He said he couldn't say if it did. After
doing all my chores I pulled up my skirt and settled into the elixing
bottle. It smelled so vile it HAD to do something. It says it contains
alcohol, oil of hemlock, eucalyptus, ammonia and kerosene!!!!!! Now I don't
expect you all to understand why a sane woman would risk putting something
so noxious onto herself, but then again, how many of you have had knee
replacements? Nuff said! I slathered this slippery stuff onto my virgin
knees, let it dry while I blotted my eyes, trying not to use my slathering
hand on my eyes. This was baddd. I felt nothing. It didn't burn, it didn't
do anything but stink. I've stunk before though,(I also use Absorbine Horse
Liniment on my knees) My ailing husband hickled into the living room.
Before he got to his chair he was gasping for breath. I kid you not, he
couldn't stay in the room. He forbid me to EVER use it in the house again.
Now it's pretty dangerous to forbid me to do ANYTHING ,you have to know, but
I believed my fate, if tempted, could be ugly. I had it on about an hour
total. After a coughing fit that left me in a heap in the corner of the
sofa, I decided Dr. Tuttle had his way with me long enough. I took a bath.
In the shower I was carefully washing my knees so as not to get this stuff
into any places where darkness might strengthen it's action. I noticed
something strange going on. I put my glasses on so I could REALLY inspect
the results and noticed my SKIN was skurfing off in little rivulets. Hmmmm!
Hmmmm! My legs didn't burn or anything. They weren't pink even, but I was
skurfing skin. I don't know about YOU, but I never skurf skin. Sure, I get
dandruff, but it's DRY. This was coming off WET! I finished bathing, got on
my nightie and went into the living room to see if I was still skurfing. You
won't believe what I saw!!! Maybe I shouldn't tell you. You are probably so
repulsed by a woman who would let Dr. Tuttle see her knees you wouldn't even
want to know what happened to them. It was getting curiouser and curiouser.
First I noticed how very SOFT my knees were. I mean baby behind soft.
Luxuriously soft. I glided my hand over those big fat knees for a while,
just enjoying them. They aren't pretty, but they are brand new. I had asked
Dr. T. (my surgeon) to give me a nice pair of LITTLE round knees, but he
just looked at me and smiled that sweet smile he has. He should see these
big honkers he gave me NOW! Okay..... I'll tell you, but if there are little
children looking over your shoulders please ask them to leave the room.
........Are they gone? EVERY HAIR HAD DISSOLVED OFF MY LEGS!!! YES! It's
TRUE!!! I couldn't believe my eyes! My knees were still stiff. They still
ached, but they were BALD!!! Since no one ever wants to look at my legs, I
go au-natural a good deal of the time. They had a lot of insulation on them
in the way of hair. It was a BIG shock to see them shining in the middle of
my legs. I think I'm onto something. I have discovered a new depilatory.
I'll get a spot on TV and sell my new product " Knee's so Bright". What do
you think? For $23.95 you get a bottle of Knee's so Bright, and if you
order right now for just one penny more you'll get a garage for your car and
luggage for your trip to Botswana. Tell your friends and I'll throw in a
free bottle of " Ankle Trim", every legs best friend. Okay, I'll quit!