Save a dog, eat chocolate cake

When all else fails, eat cake! Ever notice how much better you feel after you gorge yourself on a piece of cake? It's not the chocolate! It's not even how moist it is as it slides down your face and into your mouth. The reason you feel so much better is because you have now put your troubles on the back burner and are concentrating on getting EVERY CRUMB of that cake you can find into your body. Who cares if the gas man is screaming at the door to read your meter! There's a crumb on the edge of the table and you've got to get it before the dog does. Chocolate is DEADLY to dogs, you know that! What kind of person would you be if you let the dog die? Another reason you feel so good is because you were strong enough to say YES! Why should someone in a lab coat dictate to you what you should or shouldn't eat? Do you realize it may be that very piece of cake that keeps you out of the home? The way I see it is the years I add to my life depriving myself of that cake may be the ones I spend in a wheelchair drooling on my hospital gown in a urine scented hallway at the Brethern Home. I'll take cake!!! I've made my stand. Ladies of Prudence's Tea Club unite! Fight overcrowded retirement homes and bitter children who can't wait to get you there! I say eat cake and die young, while you can still enjoy it! Actually, you may as well come to my place and we'll do it together. I'll kill you with kindness (or good food) pick your poison!

Computer Technicians and my sanity

My computer was standing under a tree during a thunderstorm (not really)and of course you know what happened. You'd think as smart as they are they would come in out of the rain! I lost my modem,and other parts I've never personally met, but the technician called her "mother". This was a major setback for me. It took me a week to find out I could retrieve my messages from another computer, then I kept forgetting to take my reservation book along to respond right away.

Now I've learned a few things. I'm teachable, but not quick!!!

I've learned that insurance companies are wonderful friends to cultivate. You must pay them for favors, but they do come through for you quickly. I love them.

Next, I learned that computer technicians are very determined to keep you humble, or MAD. No, they won't fix your computer before anybody elses!

No, bribes won't work. They NEVER keep obvious parts in stock for such an occasion! Every part must be ordered on a separate day, and you MUST call each day to be sure it's been ordered, received, checked for fit and that he has the return address of supplier! This keeps their egos fed. You know how women are! They want everything right away! I offered to inventory his supplies and stock it in a feminine way. You know, with parts used most often in the most obvious assortment of configurations. Having a supplier in my pocket with whom I could get rapid turnaround of parts, instead of searching the country with a tonka truck on the backroads of the county. I'd make businesses a priority. Phone customers would have to wait till the people who actually spent their money on gas to see him in person were finished with him. Anyone who dropped in the shop before he left for a scheduled appointment would be told to come back another time. HE WOULD NOT KEEP PRUDENCE WAITING!!! After all, she 's on a low carb diet and you never know what will set her off. Missing meals waiting for him is high on the list though. Another thing! After it's fixed, it should work, right? Am I being a dumb blonde to think if I paid for it to be repaired I should be able to get on line? Silly me! Here I waited almost two weeks for it, paid him a ton of money, stood in his store with my knees hurting because there were computer parts he couldn't use piled on the chairs, waited for return calls he never made because he was busy with other customers and I actually expected the darn computer to get on line when it was finished. I AM a dumb blonde!! My brother and I spent all day Saturday trying different things to make it work. We even called an electrician. We put wires everywhere but up our rectums. We spent an hour on the phone with a technician from my isp. Finally, I called the repairmans wife. Now I meant business! In a half hour he was here, and guess what? He just realized the modem he had put in was TOO FAST for my phone lines. It couldn't scale down that slow. Thank you Sprint. I spend an average of $150.00 a month to have antiquated phone lines. I now have the fastest computer I can get with the slowest phone lines allowed! GUESS WHAT!!! He said he'll order a new modem for me. Of course you know what I told him. I said that's great, when can I expect you to bring YOUR PERSONAL COMPUTER for me to use till you get the part from the rain forest? Some of the above was embellished, some was true, some was thought about and some was said but not recorded!!!

Tea Fans and Ear Horns

Hello Tea Fans. I'm going to be needing a lot of you as the weather warms
up. We have the ceiling fans going, and they work really well, but without
you it just won't be summer. I've been digging out the old hand fans to.
Remember going to church when you were a little snip and fanning yourself
with those paper fans from the funeral home down the street? How about that
for hitting the ball with both ends of the stick. The preacher is telling
you you're never going to die and the mortician is saying 'but if you do!!!'
I know, I know, your physical body will die, but who wants to think about it
when you're so hot you need a piece of cardboard to cool you off? I am still
holding off getting air conditioning for the tea room. My husband thinks I'm
crazy. I just don't want to close the windows and not hear the birds, smell
the plants and herbs, feel the breeze. I guess when you are as deaf as I am
every sound is precious. I now have a 98% hearing loss in my left ear. My
friend 's husband is a coppersmith and is making me an ear horn. How cool is
that??? I don't want a hearing aid. Some things I just want to miss. When I
want to hear I will have my nifty ear horn hanging about my neck. You know
you'll want one to when you see it. I wonder if he can put a whistle in it
so I can get people's attention, like when I'm getting groceries and can't reach something. Those coupon shoppers need to wake up! Maybe an air horn!
Course, who wants to put a horn in their mouth after jamming it in their
ear? Hmmmm!

The Tea Room Weather Agitator

Did you get any rain this week? Aren't you glad you didn't send your child to college to be a meteorologist? I can't imagine that, with the sophisticated equipment and intensive studies man has done, we are no better off than we were when we checked caterpillars coats and asked the groundhog if he saw his shadow! Really! Think about how accurate those old almanacs have been. At LEAST as accurate as the local weather man with his doppler radar and his accu-weather report. When I was having my Sheep Festivals here about 20 or so years ago, I'd have my brother Terry check his weather journal to see if it rained on the date I had picked in previous years. He'd go back five or six years, and if it hadn't, we'd set the date and we never got rained on but a sprinkling the first year (before we thought to check!). Think about it folks! There were no satellites involved, no computer generated predictions or anything. Grandfathers have always had weather ankles and knees. Maybe I should hang onto my bad knees and start forecasting.

'The Tea Knee Weather Report'
brought to you from Turkey Pit Rd.
It looks like we're going to have a clear night tonight. The fluid around my knee is down, we won't be seeing any rain. Around the first of the week there may be some clouds as my ankles are starting to swell and my shins are shiny. Any chance of showers will be later in the week, or not at all, depending if my knees start to ache. The frogs are sitting on the shady side of the pond, so it will be hot and humid. If we do get rain it will be north, south, east and west of us. When the horses are nibbling maple leaves you can be sure the ground is dry. Other than that, it will surely rain by Christmas. My weather guarantee! Free 'TEA for all' if I'm wrong. What other weather forecaster will do that for you? And I didn't have to get my degree in fooling people at a fancy school either!

I guess I get carried away, but we've been promised rain for so long now. My garden is so dry. I miss the lush soft grass and the smell of worms. I want a lazy, rainy day. The kind where you can stay in bed till eight, get up and keep your nightie on till noon and then sit by the window and stare out at nothing. No guilty feelings about not being out there pulling weeds. No frantic planning your day so you can get back by 2 so you can finish cleaning and then start dinner. Yes, I really DO want a rainy day. If you get one can I come to visit you and be lazy at your house?